Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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