remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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