bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
