Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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