Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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