we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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