if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
