She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
