Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
