He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
