I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
