Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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