peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
