Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
