i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
