Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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