Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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