He told me they were just razor bumps!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
