We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
