I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
