Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
