based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
