My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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