What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
