I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
