I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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