I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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