Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
