This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
