I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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