Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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