i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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