I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
