That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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