You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
