I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
two words...techno handjob
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
