just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
