there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
