this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
