it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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