Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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