I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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