guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
