If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
