Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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