He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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