Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
