I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
