He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
