Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
even my farts smell like vagina
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
