dude i'm inner monologue high
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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