Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
