Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
