dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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