A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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