My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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