Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i dont even know how to be here
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We have so much sex to catch up on
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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