I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
