And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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