Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
