You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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