Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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