I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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