Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
