Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.