I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."