Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.