Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
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At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.