something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.