I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
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nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?