Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
