Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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