How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
