Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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