"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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