True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
