if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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