Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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