I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
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Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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