At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
