My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
