Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
