right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
