I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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