Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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