Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
